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Maureen McDonnell's avatar

When anyone refers to me using the derogatory term “anti-vaxxer”, (even though as a pediatric nurse for 40 years- it’s accurate) my new more empowering title to counteract their obvious ignorance, is to say

“No– I’m a “Vaccine Injury Specialist”

First, it throws people off guard because it turns the tables on them. It’s indicative of someone who knows the science, knows injuries are real & it tends to provoke a perplexed facial expression. It’s a good start! Try it!!!

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Yarrow's avatar

On point VI: I have such mixed feelings about this. I'm a somewhat autistic woman, just a bit too old to have been diagnosed when "Asperger's Syndrome" was the current fad, not disruptive enough in school to need it-- under the radar. But I have a very systematizing, pattern-finding, not-typically-feminine approach to life (along with all the social retardation and neurological weirdnesses that come with it). I'm not a mechanical genius or anything, but hey, I change the oil and do minor repairs on my own car. Whatever. I grew up at the ideal time for this: when I was in school, we were still in "Women can do ANYTHING! You can be an astronaut! Or the president! Because women are just as great as men!" territory. So I felt I had a right, as a woman, to have typically masculine interests and hobbies all mixed in with more stereotypical girl stuff. Totally OK to be in love with SF novels *and* enjoy sewing and baking, *and* use my own power tools. And dangitall, this is the way it *should* be. I'm glad no enlightened soul told me I was actually a dude.

But here's the thing. Part of being "on the spectrum" as a girl, is-- puberty sucks. I mean, puberty sucks for everyone, but when you're a girl, with neurological problems, facing the brutal social sorting machine that is middle/highschool/college.... heaven help you. It is the worst, and it takes *forever*. We basically reach emotional maturity at age 25. Other girls terrorize and ostracize us (so I get why autistic girls don't want to be girls! Girls are the worst!). Men start noticing us, but it's never *nice* men, because we're not normal. It's always creeps because they have nothing to lose and hit on everything that moves. Maybe normal girls know instinctively how to respond to this. I dunno, I've never been normal. But for me it was friggin' *terrifying*. Here is this repulsive excuse for a human trying to chat me up, not taking no for an answer, following me. What do I do?? I have no idea how to get out of this situation! At that age, the world is so full of sexual *expectations* for women, and we don't meet expectations and often have no idea how to even navigate them. I know at that age I had no desire to have any kind of romantic relationship with anyone. Couldn't handle touching people-- it was too neurologically overwhelming. But there's no way to say "actually I'm just not interested in people right now" without marking yourself a giant flaming freak.

I found my own solution. Since I had no particular investment in being a proper girl (I mean, girls were mean to me! Why would I want to be one of *them*?), I shaved my head, and I got all my clothes from the men's section-- straight jeans and the comfy white T-shirts that come in 3-packs. I can say, retrospectively, that before that, everything about my clothes (comfortable), posture (slouchy), and general appearance (no makeup-- too itchy-- long hair, sneakers, cheap glasses) signalled insecurity and low status. It was like chumming the water for creeps and predators. But once I shaved my head and adopted a masculine wardrobe, it was like magic! Nobody hit on me, ever! And it was great! I didn't actually look like a guy (well, ok, sometimes retail employees called me "sir" reflexively. Maybe I did.), still had boobs and whatnot. But it radically changed the way strangers "read" me, and it made me safer, more comfortable, and got me through to the magic age of 25, when everything got less scary, less intense, and I had learned some of the basic social skills that everyone else gets from the social-skills fairy at, like, twelve.

I don't dress like a guy anymore. It was a useful defense mechanism while I did. I don't, and never have, thought I *was* a guy. I'm a woman who happens to enjoy SF and dabbles in car repair. I'm happily married to a guy. We have a good life.

And holy shamoley am I glad I'm too old to have been in high school when trans became popular. Those creeps would have eaten me alive! They're taking girls like me, and like a bad fairy with a pot of fake gold, they're offering us a way to be important, socially acceptable, celebrated, protected, and never, ever be hit on by guys, ever. What I wouldn't have given for that, when I was seventeen, and things didn't feel like they could ever, possibly, get any better!

Are my autistic traits a vaccine injury? Maybe. I got the usual slate of shots that every kid in the 80s got. I think probably some people are more susceptible to ill effects from those than others, and it's possible I was one of them. Who knows?

Do vaccines make people trans? Only indirectly, if they make us autistic, and being autistic makes us vulnerable to manipulative people, uncomfortable with being women (because women are mean to us, and sexual expectations are really difficult to navigate with subpar social skills, and don't get me started about what periods are like when you're neurologically hyper-reactive to *everything*)-- at least while we're young. We are late bloomers. It gets better, we just take longer to get there than everybody else. Or that's what it feels like. Why is it suddenly OK for people to exploit autistic girls, though?

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